Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
