Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
