Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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