My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
