did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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