Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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