I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dignity is for republicans.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
