Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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