dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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