dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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