Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
