Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
