it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
