Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
