You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
