hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
