took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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