There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
