I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
