I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
