Nicole vs. Life
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
