Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
