Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
