the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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