Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
