i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
