Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
