I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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