i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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