Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
