3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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