Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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