I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
