He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
