I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
