I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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