Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
