thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
