I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
