A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I want a musical about memes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
