turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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