I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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