Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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