make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
