i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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