you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
