Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
