So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
