we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
