I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
