Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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