3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
420 ftw
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
