I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.