I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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