Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.