I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.