I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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