So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
