my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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