That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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