I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
