she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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