I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
