I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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