Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
