1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
