she was so not down for the gang bang
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
