so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
