and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
