I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am available for nakedness
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
