i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
