The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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