it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
