Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
