Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
