I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize